| Look.
This is important.
This is my message
to any one who has ever been my friend.
Everything I say I mean.
I may not mean it in the way you took it, so take it the right way.
btw, if i say it in a different way or say something different before, this is what I meant to say.
Cause this time, I have a chance to think and decide what I really feel, cause before I just said it for the moment, and to make up a loss of words.
Tara:
I'm sorry, that I failed you. And that i was who you looked up to, but now you hate me. Cause I am stupid. I go off and have sex with people, and then I do all these things killing who I am and wasting my life. And that this whole time I've just wanted to be a boyfriend, to be equal to you cause you've always had one. Thats how I felt at first, but then I realized that I didn't want to be like you and have a boyfriend, I didn't even want a boyfriend. I wanted to be in love, I wanted someone to love me back as much as I love them. And I wanted to be in a perfect relationship where everything is right. I've been handed my fairytale, he made it into a fairytale by himself. You should be happy for me I didn't have to go off and sound like a dipshit he brought the food to the table. He told me what he wanted, I told him what I wanted. This whole time, before I even knew you or became your friend, I've been in love with him. I rejected him, turned him down, hid him from every one, put shame to his name, and now I'm changing that. I'm trying to make it better. I'm trying to show every one how I really feel about him. This whole time I've been listening to what every one else has been saying, and the whole time it effected how I felt about Jose and how I treated him and it effected my relationship. Sorry, but after I've gotten my last of a million chances, my last shot, and the last time to show him how much I really do care and love him, I'm going to make it. And I'm not going to change for you or any one to make them happy because I am happy. I'm in love with him, and he loves me back. If me being happy isn't enough, then I don't know what is. Cause I'm not breaking up with him because you don't like who I am. Cause thats crap.
Now this is another side.
I just got kicked out of my moms house, I got treated like crap by her every day, you know how much of a bitch she is. She never bought me food, I had to get money off of my dad for food. She barely cooked for me and when she did it tasted like crap (remember that macaroni sauce shit). She never cared. Everything in my room is pretty much everything I had before right? Yeah my dad boght be everything except for my bed, tv, and stereo (which didnt work did I mention.)Then she goes and claims that she wanted to live with me, and she really cared about me, and that she didn't just give birth to me to get child support from my dad and divorce him 5 months before i'm born. Yeah, liar. (her not you) Now I go in move in with my dad, leave all the friends I had before. To find out what? My parents went to court today, instead of putting up a huge fight she just gave me to him. And they still have to go to court for that restraining order of which you witnessed. I have to go to a new school, with uniforms, new people, new adults, new rules, new everything. We went to the mall and walked around for 2 h ours looking for black denim jeans, thats what I have to wear as a uniform, no one had it. So we have to go specially order it. Drama, stress, its true. I'm dealing with a lot of unneeded things now. All my friends right now are in school, so I'm stuck to doing nothing all day long. And talking to them once they get home and seeing them on the weekends. I'm going through so much shit, I'm sorry that I'm changing. Its not really change its more like adjusting so then I have to go change a little bit then fix it back later.
Chay:
Sorry. For going against what you said.
It's what I thought would be better.
And I thought I had the right to go out with Luci even tho you told me not to talk to him.
Because you talked to Ashleei and considered hanging out with her again and i felt offended..betrayed...and like you were giving me a bunch of bs.
But I changed my mind about how I feel.
But I can't change how I feel about Luci.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry for not listening to you and lying to you.
Jose:
You know how much I love you.
I hope we sort out all our problems.
Cause I'm changing, for you.
And I don't want to lose you again.
Because I really love you.
More than any thing
and more than any one.
And I feel for you so deeply that if I lose you now, well
I lost all my friends as well.
Sucks.
All for your love.
Every one else:
Deal with me.
Cause i'm changing.
I'm normal.
I have problems.
I have family issues.
I have a life.
And things are putting me through shit.
I don't need any more drama cause I'm not perfect.
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